3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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