Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
