Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize