as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize