Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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