i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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