im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So vagazzling was a success
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
