there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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