I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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