Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
