dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
