i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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