I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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