I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
