This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm determined to sit on that face.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
