So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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