help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
