Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just invented taco cereal.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
