OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize