Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im part way to drunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
