In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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