I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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