When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
