You smell like a Billy Joel song
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
