When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
