the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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