your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
