I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
