I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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