When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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