Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize