somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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