You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
