I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
