Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
