Betty ford says i'm here all night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
