Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
