I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
