and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
