I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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