Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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