I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i now understand why vodka
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
