I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
