Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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