I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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