people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
