Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
