My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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