He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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