I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
