Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
