I wanna bring you to show and tell
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
