do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
