Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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