Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
