it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
