Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
