So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She bit a glass in half.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You left your phone here
Wait...
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