it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
