I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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