Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I could make wine with my vomit
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
