idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
too bad you live with your parents still
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
